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whoas [Dec. 2nd, 2010|04:26 pm]
Wow, I can't even remember the last time I posted on here, but I'm pretty sure it was at least more than a year ago. I don't know many people who use livejournal anymore.

I'm not even really sure why I decided to post right now. I guess I'm feeling a little off, and kind of want to share (although, with this journal being practically dead, I don't think anyone will see this...) without actually directing it to anyone in particular through an email or something.

Being in Japan has really made me think about who I've become as a person. I've sort of touched onto these thoughts before in the past, but haven't examined them in detail before. Mainly, I'm noticing how much of an insular person I am these days. I actually find it really difficult to make friends. That's not to say that I sit in a corner all alone and exude some sort of dark aura. I'd say I'm on good terms with everybody, and am pretty well liked. But, at least on my end, it doesn't extend beyond that. There's nobody, out here in Japan that is, who I really click with. There's nobody that I really care about, or would want to know what they're up to a year or two from now.

This issue is not limited to being in Japan, or by the fact that I'm surrounded mainly by Japanese people. I feel the same (actually, more so) towards the other foreign English teachers in my prefecture. So many people are nice, and I hang out with them often. I even have fun. But really, I don't care if I don't see these people again, starting from tomorrow.

I can say the same about when I was in Canada. I have my good friends who mean the world to me. I'm so, so happy with them and feel really fulfilled by our friendships. But, despite meeting many people at school and through other friends, the last person I met who I felt like holding on to was Ethan, and that was more than 2 years ago that we met.

I can't really figure out why I feel like this. Perhaps it's a bit of me being less accepting of people. As in, before, if you annoyed me in some way, I could ignore it because I otherwise had fun with you. Now, I just find it difficult to get beyond those annoyances. Maybe also it's because my introversion is getting a stronger grip on who I am. Before, I would always say I was more introverted than extroverted, but they had a good balance. Now, my introversion is stronger than even I am comfortable with, but I don't know how to stop or control it. I don't know how to make myself feel like seeing people or have fun with people when I'm not in the mood. It's not that I don't go out. But, especially now that I'm in Japan and away from the people I really like, it's just so difficult to have fun.

I think another reason is just that people have gotten more stupid. Yup.

It makes me a little lonely, these feelings. Especially as I see the people around me out here make their own bffs or form their own cliques. I want to be included! But, just not with those people....

Anyways, these musings have taken on a cyclic path. I don't really have more to say.

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teehee [Sep. 18th, 2009|09:14 pm]
'Not too partial, Sir!' exclaims the choleric Major. 'Dombey, I deny it.'

.....Only that was in the body of a spam entitled "Celebration Invitation".

Best. Spam. Ever. :D

(yes, I do realize this came from a Dickens book)
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happiness [Nov. 26th, 2007|07:08 pm]
[Current Mood |mellowmellow]

eee! It's the first snow of the season ♥

I hate snow when it involves needing to my daily life to function, but I really love looking at in from inside my house :)
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(no subject) [Nov. 7th, 2007|10:22 pm]
It amuses me that when writing an essay, how many times I've said to myself, "My professor is ESL, he won't know it's not a word."
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Today: =( or =) ? [Oct. 28th, 2007|02:17 pm]
[Current Mood |blankblank]

I think, I want to jump off a bridge.

I won't. But I want to.

When does the homework stop?

In other news, I had a nice walk with my dad today. We walked around Uplands (super rich, million dollar homes neighbourhood near my house) and it felt like the epitome of a fall day. I even dove into massive leaf piles, it made me really happy.

I'm off to write an essay!

I wonder why I never let anyone know just how sad I am here.

I miss people...

my life is a streetcar named desire [Oct. 22nd, 2007|10:23 pm]
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

oh wow, last post was in mid August. I really like livejournal still but I find it's getting kind of outdated and things such as facebook are replacing it. Now, for the most part, I hate facebook and would much rather conduct my internet socialization here, but, you can't socialize alone. As other people seem to never post anymore (with some noted exceptions) I myself am finding a lack of motivation.

Wow, sorry if my writing sounds a bit weird. I've been over my head with theory and litterature analysis, both reading and writing, and I'm having trouble getting all this acadamia out of my head (though I hate it so much!) Seriously, I'm burning out of school badly. Reading break is not happening soon enough. I'm not even looking forward to next semester. My classes then will be a bit more interesting, but still so saturated in philosophical, useless to the practical world academic (did I mention pretentious) jargon.


Two interesting things have happened recently.

1) Lewis told me that the other day he looked at wedding rings.


I love him soooooo much, but that quite frankly scares the shit out of me. I'm not saying that -one day- I won't mind marrying him, but right now it seems so inconcievable. I'm flattered, and embarrassed, and frightened all at once. I told him that it was really fine and dandy that he did that, but, like, he shouldn't be getting any ideas for now. He said of course, and that wasn't his intention. He said that it didn't hurt to get an idea for what will pertain to many years down the road.

That was a bit reassuring, but still. Oh man.

2) I've been thinking recently, and I guess I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as healthy food. In fact, what people feel is healthy and thus will partake of seems to be more of a faith, kind of like a religion, than fact.
Why? Because I don't think when discussing what is "healthy" that many facts exist at all. It's like the bible; yes, these places and people did exist, but what they did and their interactions with God is up to the individual to belief.

I think healthy food is like this because there are so many contradictions in what people call healthy. But furthermore, all of these claims are supposedly backed by science. How can science proof two completely contrasting things and still have merit, I'm asking.

For example, it's the common belief that more than a certain (small percentage) of saturated fat is bad for the body. I, however, -believe- that that is wrong due to findings that I've read (all backed scientically, of course) and I actually think that saturated fat is quite good for you. But, most people would say that's poppycock. How can we decided who is right? It seems waaay to complicated and in the end subjective.

I can throw out soo many examples of foods that some people say are proven to be not that great for you while others tout as carrying many beneficial nutrients and should be imbibed daily. Also, if I talk to my friends and ask them what are healthy foods and what should you eat and not eat, not one of them will give me the exact same answer. It's really more about which facts you've chosen to believe and apply to your lifestyle. In that way I find it more to be a faith, because you're kind of putting blind trust into what other people have told you and chose to abide by it despite opposing ideas that are floating about, easy to be found or heard.

Um, yeah. I kind of lost my train of thought. But, just, things along this vein I've been wondering about recently.

So, this is Katrina! If anyone actually reads this, I'll be happy :D
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interesting crossover [Aug. 15th, 2007|10:37 pm]
[Current Mood |curiousintrigued]

I had the craziest nightmare the other night. A lot of you won't get this, but for those who will, it was a cross between the book House of Leaves and the game fatal frame. The house kept morphing and trying to get me -- ghosty things kept attacking and I couldn't get that damned camera weapon to do anything. I normally don't have graphic dreams, but there was so much violence and blood (so unusual for my subconcious). So. I was a bit shaken up. But what I find to be the strangest aspect is how intrigued I am by the dream, even now. I usually try to forget about nightmares, but I'm so focused still.

Anyways, I'm going to Nanaimo early in the morning. I can't wait to see those I have plans with! :D

Aaaaand! Happy Birthday Lena! (even though I just got back from your party....)
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it's overcast and breezy; I'm mellow and easy! :D [Jul. 29th, 2007|02:29 pm]
[Current Mood |calmcalm]

My subject title is stupid but it makes me happy.

Life has been going along at a decently comfortable pace. My trip to Port Renfrew was awesome. Because of the mist and the fog and the rain around the mountains and ocean I witnessed some beautiful scenery. I mean, I'm sure it would have been wonderful regardless, but those days felt really unique. So relaxing. I actually didn't mind going into work the day after :P

Speaking of work, I'm really happy to be making a lot of friends there. Normally, I'm too shy to get to know people. I guess it's harder for me to make friends with random Canadians because they tend to appreciate outgoingness, humour, and wit. Even quieter people like me have troubles making friends with quieter people because we never talk to one another. (These are my personal observations for how I interact with other people, I'm not saying it's like this for everyone). With my Japanese coworkers, they tend to be far less outgoing in an attention stealing type of way. They seem to be far more comfortable about people who are a little more tame. Granted, my biggest problem with them is that they keep a lot to themselves and it can be hard to know what they really think of you.

Okay, basically, that was a long way of saying "Hurray! I have new friends!".

Today is a day off for me. I love being home so that I have time to cook like I always want to. Today for lunch I made lamb that had been marinating in wine, unrefined sea salt, coarsely ground pepper, and fresh mint and sage leaves from my garden. I barbequed them and served them with a russian beet salad (with a good half of the vegies homegrown) and corn on the cob. Watermelon for dessert :D

Mkay! I'm off downtown to meet a friend for coffee. I hope you all are have pleasant summers ♥
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(no subject) [Jul. 22nd, 2007|08:25 am]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]

Hey dudes, sorry I haven't posted in ages. Not like most of you care, anyways :P

Not much is going on with me. I've been really wanting to hang with friends recently but haven't been able to due to excessive amounts of work. I love the people there so much but damn I want to quit. I've basically lost my summer because of this job. Oh well, I'm not in the mood to bitch about it right now. Because...

I'm heading off to a trip in Port Renfrew! I got a couple of days off (two days off!! In a row!!!) and so Lewis and I made reservations at a b&b and we're going to do some (hopefully) nice hiking, despite the rain.

I'll be back Monday night!
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meh [Jun. 15th, 2007|07:29 am]
[Current Mood |awakeugly faced]


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